Log in

jennifer june's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
jennifer june

[ website | Botch Job Pirate ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[05 Jul 2014|06:03am]

The 4th of July is still rad.
say somethin' jerk!!

I never update this thing. [05 Jul 2003|01:29pm]
Okay, so for those of you that still read this, I am updating simply because it's been a long time. 4th of July once again did not suck remaining my favorite holiday aside from Halloween. Yay!

I love everything.
6 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

[27 Feb 2003|02:07pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

For anyone that doesn't already know, I'm alive. Alive and well, and actually as happy as I've ever been. Still the old days are missed. I work in the entertainment industry now which is exciting, and I finally realize that anything less would make me insane. Who knows how long I'll last, maybe this time next year I'll be back in ft myers making babies or something, but somehow I doubt that. I miss you liz.

14 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

remember me? [04 Nov 2002|10:59pm]
This journal was a cult, and I'm it's prodical son. I would request the fatted calf, but I have two already.

Sad how my relationship was mostly lived out here. Apparently, I'm the master of fabrication. Fortunately, I step forward with a close friend that I will always hold dear, but keep at a safe distance. I consider myself lucky considering the circumstances. I reflect on the past year and some months and see how in some ways I've grown and in some ways I just evolved into the same person again. It's sounds redundant, but it's refreshing. The most important lesson I've learned through this is not to comprimise my expectations regardless of consequence. And, of course, how to cook Tuna Steak. It still hurts to think about certain moments we shared, private jokes, secrets we kept, exactly how the lighting was the moment I realized I loved him, but now it's mostly just the fear of never experiencing that with someone else. It quickly passes, and I realize I'm at work or watching television and life distracts me again. I will never completely forget how I felt, but now I look ahead.
4 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

You are invited. [31 Aug 2002|01:13pm]

The day before labor day. Potluck party. B.Y.O.B. and any records you want played.

We plan to head to Independant for $0.50 drinks, so be ready to go out, ya sickos.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

[25 Jun 2002|04:30pm]
What Retard Are You?
1 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

I think it's really fucking sad. [23 Jun 2002|06:03pm]
[ mood | quite the annoyed ]

Apparently, many people have nothing better to do than to read my journal and talk about it. People I don't even know have been reading and talking shit and I think it's sad that they are so concerned with other people. I do not keep a journal online so that everyone in creation is able to keep up with my life. I keep it for myself and have invited friends to share it with me. Which was something special to me. Somehow, I don't see the point in doing it any longer. I do not send out links to this to anyone anymore, so if someone outside of my friends list is reading it, they have not been invited. You aren't welcome in my life. You are not welcome to talk about me, or think about me, or worry about me. Just shut the fuck up and pretend that you have your own life.

In any case, I'm not keeping this journal anymore. There's too much to go through and make private, so I think I'm just going to delete it. I'm considering moving to a new journal and setting it so only those I have listed as friends can see my posts. I have a lot of self evaluation to do. I don't want to be anything like the people that use this as a tool for gossip and moving the journal isn't making any huge steps forward.

My journal may be dramatic to those that don't know me, therefore a fitting form of entertainment. But if that's the sort of thing that gives you your kicks, which of us is really the sorry one? I wanted to take this opportunity to point that out. Hopefully, you can take a step back to see how ridiculous you are and knock it off.

Not highly probable.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

all are welcome [22 Jun 2002|07:14pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I made a site in about twenty minutes.


1 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

I am feeling the yuck. [22 Jun 2002|03:10pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I went home last night from Misty's feeling like a pound of refried beans. I woke up feeling even worse. I'm going out tonight, damnit, I'm so bored right now!! I think for now I'm just going to take a nap because it will cure the boredom and hopefully improve my condition. I only woke up two hours ago though!

Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese iceing was the best ever, and the drinks I made went well with it. White cranberry juice mixed with Captain Morgans spiced rum. Damn, that was some good shit. I didn't even get a buzz though, I ate to many cupcakes. Misty went to bed and Mikey and I finished Hellraiser. I was going to finish my laundry but I felt like the poopilator so I took off. I hope Misty's feeling better today.

3 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over. [21 Jun 2002|06:07pm]
Don't get me wrong R.D. I fucking love your ass, but I'm not depressed. Number one, I am premenstrual so my emotions are little exaggerated and number two, and mostly, I'm just honest. I don't act like I'm all pissed when really I'm just hurt. I don't throw shit around and yell when I want to cry. I just do what I feel, which makes sense to me. The according emotion to the according event is my motto. I don't see how everyone else seems to get so confused about that shit. Also, seeing as how this is a journal and I don't keep one outside of this anymore, some of these posts are really really personal. If I didn't want people to see them I'd make them private entries, but I'm an open book. If someone doesn't want to hear about what I'm going through they obviously shouldn't care enough to read my journal. I think I make my journal just cryptic enough to where you can't really pin-point what exactly I'm bitching about. If you know, then I wanted you to. I appreciate the comments though, I love when people post to me, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. As an excuse for yesterdays post; I just feel like I could die any minute. I could be gone forever, and I will never have known if the person I love, really loves me. That may sound pathetic to most people, but to me it's a scary thought and all I want is to live every moment like it's my last. Because even if I do live to be over 80, what do I have then? Nothing but the memories and experiences. I'm tired of people wasting my time, because it really is precious.

Now that that's out of the way, moving forward!!! I would really like to get drunk tonight. I would like to go out and meet some random boy, get really shit faced, make out with him, and then never talk to him again. Hopefully not remembering anything that happened the night previous when I awake.

However, I probably wont be doing that seeing as how A) I have no money to spend on drinks and B) That's totally not my style and I think it's sad that people do that.

Not to mention the fact that tonight has been established Cupcakes and Laundry Night. I'm mostly excited about the cupcake part. You should see Misty's hamburger cookies. They are the cutest most delicious things ever.

Which inspires me to throw a party. Many of you might not know this, but July Fourth is my favorite holiday. The only one as far as I'm concerned. Not because I'm a patriotic asshole, because I am, but that's not why. In any case, I am throwing an Independance Day Potluck Bash. Everyone is invited, yes you too.
More details later, for now, just make sure you all ask for the fourth off, assholes, or you wont get any grub.
4 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

We're the bad guys...me and...me ...also. [20 Jun 2002|05:14pm]
[ mood | tough nuts ]

I hear the crusty scabs on my heart breaking open. I want to single out people and throw the punches. It's my fault anyway so I should be knocking myself out. Sorry for sucking so much, I was under the impression that I was an okay guy. This explains a lot.

Man, I must suck a whole lot. I've evaluated everything and now it's personal. I've taken everything you've done to me personally because that's what it was all along. It's my own fault for sucking so much. Maybe if I were cooler. Maybe if I were more responsible. Maybe if I made more money. Maybe if I were more funny. Maybe if I was going to school. Maybe if I had more fashion sense. Maybe if I wasn't so depressing. Maybe if I could meet everyone's expectations. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so unimportant. Sorry for just being me. Sorry that's not enough, maybe I'll try harder now that I see it.

People say I'm young and I won't always feel so alone. Well, when then? Because I've lived for 22 years wondering if anyone, including my parents, really cared about me or if it's only because they have to. You live that life and then tell me that I'm "still so young." I just want someone to really love me and it's already been so long.

Sorry for sounding so bitter, I'm just in a lot of pain. I know you're all just people. We're all just people, I keep saying.

Maybe I'm not the only one.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

back on track. [19 Jun 2002|08:51pm]
[ mood | B.L.A.R.G. ]

The female singer for Milemarker is annoying. Then again, I said the same thing about Pretty Girls Make Graves and I can't stop listening to it. I like her voice now though. I'm doing the bed times in about soon times. I went to Panera with Eva today and she bought me soup. I've been "that guy" for so long now. I fucking hate it. I am grateful that I have such great friends. It sucks to say, but I would rather have it this way than have a lot of money and no friends to use any of it with. That's like shaving your pubes and not being sexualy active. Oh wait...that's me still.

Hopefully, soon I'll be the guy with a lot of great friends and enough money to not be the guy that sucks.

Other than going to Panera, I did nothing today but feel like the shit baskets. I'm not allowed to break the rules again.

AAAAAAND, I've been on this strict excersizing set up I made and it's working. Eva and I are going to start jogging mon-fri in the evenings. Having that on my schedual might actually help me stay out of trouble and start doing other things I need to. If anyone wants to join us, you are more than welcome. Haha, yeah.

I HAVE to send my resume to Nina. I need that job. NEED!

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

Misty is a big baby jesus... [19 Jun 2002|11:59am]
[ mood | and you've got those sexy legs ]

Misty hates hip hop, BUT she's the greatest most beautiful most wonderful most shiney ray of light in my life!!!!!! Misty sent me on a date with her boyfriend last night!!! What I think happened is Mikey asked her to go see PIEBALD and she was going to see Amy and thought PIEBALD = JEN!!!!! Right she was!!!! I had so much fun!!! To think I was planning on just going to bed mega early at like seven! Instead I end up going to see my favorite band on the big stage at House of Blues. Well, I went and caught most of their set and then the rest of the bands I didn't care for so Mikey and I took off during Juliana Theory because I really don't care for them. We went to Denny's looking for Misty but I had a feeling that she would go out for drinks, not sit at Denny's all night. I was right. When I got home it was about ten and Rob and Eva were going to Midtown. I went with them because I was still so excited. I really should have just gone to bed. I'm not allowed to drink that much on work nights. I was already feeling really drunk as it was. Oh, the free things I get. I did spend money on a new Piebald shirt though with a kitten on it. Yay. I ran into Adam who reported that Misty had been up at Midtown. Confirmed. Mikey really wanted to meet up with her and we might have caught her had we gone straight to Midtown, but how were we to know she'd be there? I wish I would have stayed home instead of going to Midtown because I couldn't get up for work, and I have been so good about being there and being on time. I'll have 36 hours for the week though because I'm pulling ten hour shifts tomorrow and Friday. I still feel really bad, but it was Piebald!!

Right now I'm listening to Milemarker, and I'm not really sure what I think. I remember the first time I saw Rob with it I was like, "What is this faggot shit?" It's all pink and has a Pegasus type horse on the front. What are those guys called other than My Little Pony? Anyone into greek mythology? Rob, thank you for telling me to listen to it. You're cool. haha.

I need to find Adam Volk!

5 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

After school snack. [18 Jun 2002|01:58pm]
I have something to say about that. NO THANKS! I get crazy when I know I'm not missed. Is that wrong? Or does it just make me obsessive? I'm whiney little asshole. Guess what I just figured out; Complaining is not gratifying. Or attractive for that matter. Doesn't mean I'll stop.

I don't know what my problem has been. It's really not that hard to make it into work for fourty hours a week. What else am I going to do that's more rewarding? The answer is nothing. Because at the time it might seem like a really good idea to be napping, or spending time with someone I care about, but fuck that. It's about making money and not being stressed. I need to be on top with myself before I start making time for extracuricular emotional annoyances. Can you believe that I go into work every day at five in the morning? And what's even more shocking is that I actually go!

Last night I went over to Quain's just to be there for everything. I was expecting a low-key, hushed toned, civil conversation. When I got there I was thinking it may have been a bad time to decide to go. So much hositlity was floating around, but with valid reasons. You don't need that S, B. Seriously, this is the last fucking thing you need happening. So just cough up the bitches address and I will go beat her face in until I get your shit. YOUR shit, nothing to do with her whatsoever. Anyhow, I shortly thereafter realized that going to Quain's is never a mistake no matter what's going on.

I'm wondering what happened to the Lasko. She said she was going to post....no posting...
2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

The heart is doin' the hurtin' times [17 Jun 2002|04:59pm]
[ mood | sad ]

My heart goes out to you, Quain. I fucking love you, so if you need anything you just let me know.

I'm needing the cigarettes today. It seems like everyone has something to be upset about. If anyone needs anything outside of money, I'm here. Hugs are good shit.

I did it again. I drew the line where I knew one should be, and then thought about it too much. I don't mean to do that. I'm so tired of thinking about this. I just know it can never work until he really wants it to. He got my hopes up again, but I can't forget about the reality of the situation so really it's my own fault because I was just ignoring it. It's not even worth talking about anymore!!

Rob and I went out last night. That was really awesome. We went downtown to Back Booth and it felt like it was a regular night but like we went somewhere where noone would be, to hide. We caught up on so much bullshit and just had a great time. I always love it when Rob and I have a night to just hang out to ourselves. It reminds me that no matter what, Rob is my Best Friend.

My emotions are really jumbled right now because I thought everyone was talking about Melissa Reeves and I started crying. I was getting ready to sign off and call John right when I found out it was someone I didn't know. I'm so sorry for everyone that knew her. I'm so so sorry.

say somethin' jerk!!

Nothing seems to hold my interest anymore. I'm getting good at sleeping on dates. [16 Jun 2002|01:51pm]
[ mood | happy!!! ]

Twenty four hour date. This makes me remember how we spent every waking fucking moment together and I loved it. The weekends, I don't think we sepperated for more than a few hours and I thought it was great.

Now it's annoying.

I do love him. If we were spending this time together trying to pretend things are the same it would be impossible, really, and I actually like most of it better this way. We're way beyond that crush stage where things are new and exciting. When we broke up we were at the stage where things get extremely comfortable and you start talking about bigger things. It feels good though, we're both so much more comfortable and one of our biggest problems was never talking about things. We do that now.
It's like he has a renewed sense of appreciation for who I am. I mean that's what he says. It's definately the way he looks at me. I feel the same as before mostly, just really let down and I've lost some respect for him.

There's been a lot of bullshit on his end. I'm just not allowing it anymore. That's the part I don't particularly care for. I've somewhat set a deadline. We're not going to speak for one week and at the end of the week we decide where this is going. (We'll see if he can hack the whole seven days.) Things are the same now as they will be, should we "get back together" so it's not going to be a difficult conversation if that's the case. It really doesn't matter anymore if we do or not. I'll be sad, but I will handle it in a world of difference. If he needs time to not know what he wants, then he can do that alone.

I've just decided to take the best from every situation and build my perfect world with it instead of dwelling on the negative aspects. I need people that care about me in my life, and I have a lot of them. That's enough for me while I have too many important things to focus on, to worry about whether or not the person I love is loving me the way I deserve. I can't waste my time holding on to something I can't have all of. I don't like the idea of losing what we have because it's something amazing, but that isn't enough. If he can't be all about me the way I was about him, I'll just have to let go.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

Dina: You keep the strangest hours! "Yep." [15 Jun 2002|05:59am]
[ mood | worried ]

Keeping a public journal is for the people that are never sure, or do not care about their friends, but it shouldn't be.

I can't put my finger on what is so exciting about seeing one of your best friends name in the credits of a movie. It's just cool I guess. Not to mention the fact that this movie is genuis, with actors I respect, and a "killer" soundtrack. I don't think I got nearly as excited for Bill as he deserved me to be. It makes one think what one might be capable of...damn that's scary to me. What a waste it is to be this afraid. A WASTE!

I'm contaminated with afterthought. So many people I know are really fucking awesome. Not just sometimes, but always, and they don't even know it. Fucking clueless. I fucking rule and I hardly ever realize it. Someone give me self-esteem!!! Think of how much easier your life would be if most people treated you as well as you deserve! There I go with that wishful thinking again, as per usual. The world is shitty, so how about everyone just chip in and try to make it a better place. Tell the people you care about what they mean to you. Show them. Make other people feel good and stop thinking about yourself long enough to see the results of doing selfless things. That's who I want to be.

I should go to bed, it's six in the morning and I'm talking like an asshole.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

Today is depressing. [15 Jun 2002|03:22am]
Beau is gone. He was picked up today. I didn't cry but I wanted to. My poor kittens, they don't understand. He took such good care of them, and now he's not here and I have to wonder if they will hate me for it.

Bloodfeast II was really fun. So bloody and gutty and yuck times, but good. My favorite part was Krystal hiding behind her sweater, that ruled. I wanted to do something afterwards because I haven't really hung out with Allison in a long time. Too long. I guess she went to Carrie's. I miss Krystal too, and Dustin. I miss Cranuim. Why does shit change?!

Saw Quain at the film festival for a minute. I got to hug R.D., Karen, and Corbin but not really talk at all. Why haven't I been over there?

I am hanging out with my Mom tomorrow, because she's leaving soon. She is going to Boston for the summer. I missed Misty's call today, but I get to see her Sunday for coffee.

Tomorrow should be better.
I want phone calls from anyone that can manage it.
say somethin' jerk!!

Alarm clock assault [14 Jun 2002|02:34pm]
[ mood | Effin' A. ]

I came home to find my alarm clock in a million pieces!!! Okay, well one piece, but not working. Fucking fascist!! Yelling about how he's the fucking boss of the clock and making it die! I don't blame it though, nazi's are so five minutes ago. (That one was for Dina.) Well, I guess I did the same thing to the wasp, but I was more afraid than he was. I was yelling at him from inside of my closet, actually. If I were king of the forest...

Now I sleep, for tonight is Allitron Five Thousand and Ten featuring Jeninjakick, for the first time in a century.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

making the grr times [13 Jun 2002|06:39pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I'm getting a bad mood. I feel it coming. I've been good for a few days, but it's getting hard today for some reason. Probably this whole money thing. It's got me in the hook! It's giving me the hook jaw punch! So I really don't feel like doing much. And going out and spending money to take your mind off of how broke you are is a really bad idea. At the same time there are so many things I could do tonight. I've been invited to the Kissimmee Alias Clark show with Rob and Eva. I've been invited to Bar B Que with Misty and Mikey. And I'm supposed to be at Nancy's birthday party, but I have noone to go with me. I do not do the downtown times alone. Bad times are the sad times, as Dina put it. I would really like to not sit here and dwell in the things that bring me down, but I have nothing to do so I'm going to make myself drinks I guess.

When I walked in today there was a hornet in my ROOM! I have no clue how the fuckbeast manuevered it's way in here, but it was scary. Scarier than it would have been for you because I'm alergic to both, things that sting and hospitals. Very weird, because then it just magically dissapeared, so I'm thinking maybe I halucinated it into existence. Maybe I killed it when I yelled at it for ten minutes straight about the oppression of sharks and pidgeons shitting on my fence of liberty. Then I left the phone off the hook on accident for hours while reading a magazine. I hope I didn't miss any importante callalingus.

2 killed| say somethin' jerk!!

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]